Divorce Letter - Just for Smirks

Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tellyou that I'mleaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you forseven yearsandI have nothing to show for it. Theselast twoweekshave been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that youhad quit yourjob today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn'tnotice that Ihad gotten my hair and nails done,cooked yourfavorite meal and even wore a brand newnegligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes,and wentstraight to sleep after watching thegame. Youdon't tell me you love me anymore, youdon't touchme or anything.
Either you're cheating or you don'tlove meanymore, whatever the case is, I'mgone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me,don't. YourBROTHER and I are moving away to WestVirginiatogether!
Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
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Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more thanreceivingyour letter. It's true that you and Ihave beenmarried for seven years, although agood womanisa far cry from what you've been.
I watch sports so much to try to drownout yourconstant nagging. Too bad that doesn'twork.
I did notice when you cut off all ofyour hair lastweek, the first thing that came tomind was "Youlook just like a man!" My motherraised me to notsay anything if you can't say anythingnice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, youmusthave gotten me confused with MYBROTHER,because I stopped eating pork sevenyears ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had onthat newnegligee because the price tag wasstill on it. Iprayed that it was a coincidence thatmy brotherhad just borrowed fifty dollars fromme thatmorning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved youand felt that wecould work it out.
So when I discovered that I Had hitthe lotto for tenmillion dollars, I quit my job andbought us twotickets to Jamaica . But when I gothome you weregone.
Everything happens for a reason Iguess.
I hope you have the filling life youalways wanted.My lawyer said with your letter thatyou wrote, youwon't get a dime from me.
So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told youthis but Carl, mybrother was born Carla. I hope that'snot a problem.